it hit me like a mac truck.

picture this...

its about high noon over at a port. there are a bunch of people along with these sailors saying there goodbyes and wishing them a fast return home. the camera focuses on a couple and fixates it on them. he captures every single moment as if it was a hollywood film and filming is his job. the sailor and her talk for awhile and then later she kisses him for as long as she can knowing that it may be her last. he sits there for as long as he can until the final horn goes off, telling all who is getting on to say your final goodbyes cause they cant wait for anyone. they hug and he leaves. looking back every chance he can get as she looks at him with glassy eyes that are about to explode. when he leaves her sight she turns to a friendly shoulder and just lets loose on all that she was holding back... this was a video i saw tonight. i never wanna see it again.

this is something that i hate to admit but is going to happen. i mean i dont know when exactly but will. i was thinking about this as i saw this video and i cant help but feel guilty. guilty for everything. nicole knew this would happen and she didnt want to have a relationship because of something like this. it sucks. i kept going on and pursuing something i wanted and of course only thinking of myself. she deserves better then my selfish act. 

now what to do? i see it all the time, couples make it through these long time periods of not seeing each other or talking as a matter of fact. sure its going to be hard but the key thing is that it can be done. i vow to myself to give every inch upon myself to make this happen cause i am proud of one thing and that is growing up in my life i know when i have something good and not only knowing if something is good but also not letting go of it. she is that good thing right now. im not willing to let something like this effect us. we are both too good and too smart to allow it to happen. 

besides... a kid like me likes to look at the glass half full not half empty. so how do i do that at a time like this? easy. it only makes the memories now and the precious memories of the future that much sweeter. 

goodnight guys.