i feel as bad as it looks outside. gloomy.

what a night last night. i poured out everything to her as we talked far about 2 hours on the phone. its not going to work out and yeah im sad as hell but also last night i thought for awhile and what came to mind is one word. change. 

i feel as ive been too nice these past couple of years and right now i feel just the same way. i mean just my track record with stuff like this is horrible. so what is a guy like me suppose to do when things dont turn out right? change. im going to be a new me starting today. im going to have a certain swagger that everyone will notice. im not going to be so nice when it comes to things. i faced it last night. girls like assholes. im no asshole. im not going to become one but i am going to become a more moderate version of the word. my personality will stay the same but my brain will think in a different way. over and over ive tried to be there for them and what do i have to show for??? nothing. change is good at times. this is one of those times.

today is going to suck miserably and if i had any time in my life i wish i got something i wanted... this is the time.